‘Night School’ Is A War Crime

I saw the Night School movie. Kevin Hart plays a guy who, despite not having a high-school degree, drives a Porsche convertible and lives in a luxury loft with a Victoria’s Secret model. That all changes when he unwittingly blows up a BBQ supply store. He needs a GED so he can get a job as a stockbroker at a fraudulent financial-planning firm owned by his best friend from high school. That’s the actual premise of the movie, presented without irony but with the worst soundtrack in movie history. Its “wah wah'” horns and syrupy violin will forever play in the waiting room to Hell.

Hart’s night-school teacher doesn’t have much of a personality, despite the fact that she’s Tiffany Haddish, the funniest comic actress alive. His classmates are: A stereotypical Mexican, a sexy girl, a prisoner, a funny guy who’s afraid of technology, and Rob Riggle.  Mary Lynn Rajskub plays a frustrated housewife with a reasonable amount of dignity despite the fact that the script forces her to make terrible butt-sex jokes and to twerk in an extended nightmare of a Prom scene. Other hijinks include a pubic hair in a cheesecake, a vestigial nipple, and vomiting on a guy who just broke his arm.

NIGHT SCHOOL ★(1/5 stars)
Directed by: Malcolm D. Lee
Written by: Kevin Hart, Harry Ratchford, Joey Wells, Matthew Kellard, Nicholas Stoller, and John Hamburg
Starring: Kevin Hart, Tiffany Haddish, Taran Killam, Romany Malco, Rob Riggle, Mary Lynn Rajskub, Al Madrigal
Running time: 111 min.

Not much educating seems to occur. Apparently, all you need to get your GED is to learn the Pythagorean Theorem.  Haddish ends up “teaching” it to Hart by beating the crap out of him in an MMA hexagon and then farting in his face.

Somewhere in here lies a sweet movie about overcoming learning disabilities, but the sixty screenwriters have buried it under endless cynical repartee. Typical of contemporary Hollywood comedies, Night School represents a rich person’s idea of what life is like for working-class people. Everyone wants a “better job,” but they all seem to live in pretty nice houses already. The underdog is well-off and getting laid when the movie starts. He doesn’t trade places with anyone, not even himself.

Taran Killam has way too much screen time as the school’s principal and villain. He belongs in a gulag, with only himself for company.

God, why hast thou forsaken me?

This concludes my review of the Night School movie.