‘Section 31,’ Star Trek’s Last Stand

Of the fourteen Star Trek films made so far, Section 31 is the only one purely for television. Why? Because it sucks! Because it can pass as anything but never as something that has a vague relationship with Star Trek.

I imagine that many will disagree, which is usual among fans of sagas like this one and Star Wars. But it’s been a long time since I saw something and I wanted to not only stop it but it was so so so so incredibly absurd that I felt sorry for Gene Roddenberry’s legacy.

I also feel sorry for and apologize to the Vulcans of the galaxy for what this film presents, and and I even apologize to French citizens, for something that I will comment on in the next paragraphs, although I know I am right about it.

So let’s jump to warp speed and go where no writer and director ever dared to go before in Star Trek: the total mediocrity.

Hey! First, a brief prelude to the plot of Section 31…Well, I’m sorry because here is the first big problem: I don’t have the slightest idea what it was about. All I understood or what was vaguely clear to me is that it is about the character Philippa Georgiou (Michelle Yeoh), who we already saw in the series Star Trek Discovery, something with the Mirror Universe and the destruction of a weapon whose name is ridiculous. Here are my five reasons why Section 31 is not only the worst Star Trek ever, but a true insult to what Star Trek stands for.

5. Incomprehensible plot

Let’s see how I explain this mess: First you should know that the Prime Universe and the Mirror Universe exist. The Prime is where we are, that is, the “normal” universe, while the “mirror”, whose first appearance in the franchise dates back to the time of the original series, in an episode called “mirror, mirror”, well, in this universe the heroes are… not as good people as in the Prime Universe.

We already met Philippa Georgiou (Michelle Yeoh) in Star Trek: Discovery. In Mirror Universe she is the Emperor of the Terrans, who travels to the Prime Universe and there she is a member of Starfleet and associates with the members of Section 31, which is something like a secret group, half commando, half espionage, that protects the gigantic and powerful Starfleet (none of this makes sense, I know) and now together, they will all search for a guy who has in his possession a weapon whose simple description is… that can destroy everything, even the Prime Universe and for the love of Christ, we don’t want that to happen!

To make it worse, that super weapon, whose name I won’t reveal yet, was created in the Mirror Universe years ago by Georgiou herself, who by the way in the Prime Universe has a trendy nightclub. Then in the middle of explosions and more explosions, they try to find this weapon and what the heroes do: save the universe. Trust me, I just told you the understandable version.

What is the problem with this plot? That it is confusing, that it is not engaging and that it gives the impression that everything happened in the same places. Imagine a story that takes place in the same three different locations and times over and over. They’re not telling an interesting story, it’s not even boring, it’s just bad: we’re going to find a weapon that looks like a ball and that’s it.

So, the plot sucks!

4. No adventures

It’s practically a law to support anything made that is part of Star Trek, regardless of the plot, by an adventure platform. If we take into account that we are in space, these adventures have to do with travel to other worlds, strange planets, stranger aliens, spaceships, heroes in conflict and risk and many things that have a relationship, I repeat, with space.

And what happens at Section 31 is none of the above exists. It’s  just explosions everywhere. And not even the explosion of the… I was about to say the Death Star but relax Trekkies, I’m with you, well, an explosion not supported by the narrative of the plot does nothing or makes the audience feel anything other than: “there’s another explosion.”

While in both the series and the other Star Trek films there are always several subplots that nourish and give strength to the characters, the only subplot here, which is something more or less like a love story, is as cold as a sunrise at the peak of Mount Everest.

Terrible characters

Here the comparison is too obvious and the lack of imagination is pitiful; Having so much material in the Star Trek universe, in Section 31 they only wanted to apply the Guardians of the Galaxy formula; so we go with this group of characters but unlike Guardians, the guys and girls and aliens from Section 31 they have no chemistry or empathy or anything interesting that unites them… I already forgot their names.

The leading character is Philippa Georgiou, and I’m sorry to say that it’s the worst performance of Oscar winner Michelle Yeoh’s career. Because basically she has no material to work with. She is not a striking or interesting character, nor is she mysterious: she is flat as a ping-pong table.

Omari Hardwick plays Alok: this is like the leader of the group. And his performance is so forced, trying to show himself as the expert in everything that he ends up being an expert in nothing, since his arc swings between personality traits that make no sense, do not unify him or make him three-dimensional. Anyone could play this role.

Look, it’s only worth commenting on two more characters.  Because the others are absolutely irrelevant, these are too but since they are so poorly written and structured, I must tell you.

Star Trek isn’t Star Trek if there isn’t a Vulcan nearby. The unfortunate thing here is that the “Vulcan” is the comic relief of the film. Because in reality there is a tiny alien who is a member of Section 31 and who operates from inside this supposed Vulcan. The result here is catastrophic: trying to get a Vulcan to make us laugh is like… no, I don’t have a metaphor for this.

Then we have another bad idea turned into a character: Zeph, played by Robert Kazinsky. The show also intends for him to be funny. Although I don’t know why they thought this character could be funny: Zeph is a vulgar rip-off of Matt Damon’s character in Elysium, only the exoskeleton suit is less practical and although the angle of this character should have been that of a total warrior, the tough one of the group… Well, it’s the complete opposite. The exoskeleton is useless and not funny at all.

So, the characters sucks!

2. Egregiously bad use of French

I’m going to mention just a few of the silly aspects that make Section 31 a silly movie. Let’s go with the weapon that can destroy everything, the name of this ball (like a basketball) is “Godsend”… Excuse me but I don’t know which God wants to send a weapon that “can destroy everything”, Loki, maybe. But they repeat the name so many times, it becomes a bad joke… I don’t know, they could have called it the little demonic ball that can destroy everything. Anything else, but blame God? Oh no. Not that.

The following is crazy. Plain and simple, totally crazy. In the Prime Universe, Yeoh’s character is the owner of Baraam, a nightclub and they call her “Madame du Franc”, because she speaks French and this is like a big event in the movie; many close-ups while speaking French.  I love French,  but in Star Trek I want to listen to Klingon or any other language that’s not from this planet. Is that asking too much?

Of course, if we are going to blame someone, things start with the script. And the writer and Executive Producer of Section 31 is Craig Sweeny (Elementary, Limitless, Medium), who even produced and wrote an episode of Star Trek: Discovery. And the director of the film is Olatunde Osunsanmi, who directed fifteen episodes of Star Trek: Discovery. These guys are supposed to know better than this, but they failed dramatically.

1. It’s really just a failed TV pilot

The truth is that Section 31 seems like the pilot of a canceled series. It’s like a vague idea of ​​the beginning of something… I mean: as if the characters – which happens in the pilots of the series – are going to have a greater role and engage the audience as the seasons progress.

But this is a movie and everything should have happened here. But nothing happened. At least nothing interesting… And that is the other problem: continuing to want to extend universes of sagas that may have given enough and it is time to invent other things.

How many more Star Trek or Star Wars series will we see? So that they end up not being as good as they should be and disappoint the fans? That is the question I leave to the little alien who controls the Vulcan in Section 31. I hope he answers in Vulcan and not in French.