Tom Brady Returns for ‘The Roast of Kevin Hart’

Apparently, many of us crave politically incorrect insults. The Roast of Kevin Hart has been at the top of Netflix’s rankings since it aired live about a week ago. It’s rude, crude and, yes, mildly amusing in short doses, but it’s nowhere near as good as the Tom Brady roast from two years ago. That was an event. The Kevin Hart roast wasn’t.

Brady’s roast worked because he is the golden boy, the GOAT, and accustomed to calling the shots. For one night, he was reportedly paid twenty five million to sit and simply take it. Ultimately, the evening belonged to Nikki Glaser, who did a surprising, wonderful Gronk impression, as well as to a selection of Brady’s teammates including Julian Edelman, Drew Bledsoe and the aforementioned Gronk. It was personal, and they were inspired. Also, there was no shortage of material to draw from. As well as decades of sporting intensity there was relatively recent drama. First, the Patriots and Belichick divorced from Brady. Then, the Pats and owner Robert Kraft split with Belichick. Most juicily, Gisele divorced Brady, and she got with her jiu jitsu instructor. The Brady roast reunited many of these characters all with otherwise unaired grievances. What material did the Hart roast have? Short jokes, bad movies and homophobic tweets from fifteen years ago.

Ultimately, there was something authentic about the Brady roast. When Brady tells Jeff Ross to lay off the elderly Kraft, it’s real. During his monologue, Gronk seemed to have an out-of-body experience. He was into it. Indeed, everyone looked like they were having a blast — or maybe they were just blasted in the best way. The drinks were flowing. And why not? It was a once in a lifetime opportunity to rib Brady, his achievements and his heavily manufactured appearance.

In contrast, the Hart roast — essentially the Brady roast sequel — was contrived, phony and somewhat depressing, a bit like watching Hangover 3. The festivities started off well enough. Surprisingly, Brady himself showed and did OK, though his delivery was as stiff as his jaw. Sadly, this would be the evening’s high point. The dais was a ghost town showing why Netflix didn’t release the names of the attendees in advance. They probably had difficulty getting bodies. Nikki Glaser has moved on, so Chelsea Handler stepped in to play “the role” of the blonde sex fiend. Regina Hall was there too, but no one ragged on her. Perhaps that was a condition of her involvement.

Teyana Taylor popped in for a moment, escaping immediately after. The one memorable thing she said was that she was there for the pay day — a common sentiment amongst the roasters. Indeed, while we know that entertainment is usually about the Benjamins, it also usually tries to make you forget that, but The Roast of Kevin Hart was a blatant money grab. So too was the Tom Brady affair, but that was a lot funnier, and it got foes Belichick and Kraft to share a toast. The Hart roast went for their own “reconciliation,” so they brought in Kevin’s nemesis Katt Williams. It felt phony.

There didn’t seem any real beef. If I want a Hollywood feud, my go to is Baldoni-Lively.

Unexpectedly, Serena and Venus Williams turned up. And also unexpectedly seemed completely disinterested during their quick set. They claimed they turned down the producers three times. They should’ve gone for four because they whiffed.

At the 11th hour, The Rock arrived to save the night. He brought great energy, but the night was already lost. He probably would’ve been a better host than Shane Gillis, but the producers were striving for racial tension. Gillis and Tony Hinchcliffe were tagged as the roast’s sacrificial white supremacists, utilized as punch lines for forgettable race-related zingers.

The Hart roast writers – many of whom probably worked on the Brady roast – desperately tried to recreate the magic of two years ago. They pummeled us with shock value. They force fed the race card, mocked Pete Davidson’s deceased father and delivered horrible, unfunny gay jokes, among other jibes. In the end, they came up, well, short. The Roast of Kevin Hart showed us just how special the Brady roast actually was.