Who Cares If The Truth Is Out There?

In its debut week, the docuseries Files of the Unexplained ousted the mega-famous Three Body Problem from the Netflix chars. So obviously I glued myself to the TV to see what Netflix sells as: “Eerie encounters, bizarre disappearances, haunting events and more perplexing phenomena are explored in this chilling investigative docuseries.” I must say, that sounds terrific!

But the only perplexing thing about this docuseries is how quickly I fell asleep halfway through the first episode (about alien abductions) which only lasts half an hour. Oh boy, I’m going to tell you something and I’m not going to give you too many spoilers because I really wish everyone would suffer from boredom as much as I did trying to watch every episode. Because by far, Files of the Unexplained is one of the worst documentaries on alleged paranormal phenomena, conspiracies, etc., that anyone has ever n made. Don’t believe me? I dare you to see it.

When you watch something called Files of the Unexplained, and you know that it has to do with UFOs, ghosts, more UFOs, haunted plantations, even haunted lakes, well, you should be entering an experience that will at least be full of mystery. It will possibly surprise and scare you. But the big, annoying problem with this series is that it’s endlessly boring and it explains nothing.

Although I will tell you a little about each of the eight episodes, I will limit myself to giving a small example: the voice of the series. In the first episode, about the alleged alien abduction of two fishermen in 1973, features the surprising voiceover of a woman who speaks so softly and peacefully as if she were inducing you to a guided meditation. And it works!, because minutes later you fall asleep. This sleepy Voiceover is totally opposite of what it should be: a scary journey involving aliens, ghosts and other crazy things. Beyond this singular problem, there is the following: it seems that they made the series a long time ago and someone found it in a basement and said, well let’s try to sell this crap.

Actually,  the real title should have been “Files of the Unexplained… for Dummies.” It seems to me the people involved made this for an audience that doesn’t even know what an UFO is or has never heard of such an acronym, because even our boring narrator explains to us that back in WWII, the pilots saw balls of orange light that they called Foo Fighters that then became known as unidentified flying objects. Wait a minute, lady narrator, do you know what year it is? And all the shit that we’ve seen that’s happened? And you want to explain to us the big secret of what the Foo Fighters were and what UFO means? I’m sorr,y but you’re very late to this party. Even my cat knows that!

Let’s do a quick review of some of the episodes.

E1 ∙ File: Pascagoula Alien Abduction: 

Without a doubt, this is the most boring and unmysterious alien abduction of all time. Two fishermen friends see a blue light, it turns out that it is a ship that opens a hatch and some beings come out and with another light the ship performs a kind of body scan on the fishermen… and that’s it. There’s no drama. I think it would have been easier to place an ad looking for people kidnapped by aliens and there would have been better stories.

E2 ∙ File: Ghosts of Myrtles Plantation:

It’s supposed to be the most haunted place in the entire United States (an old cotton plantation, whose terrifying story is not the ghosts but what they did to the slaves). But no one there can tell even a scary story that leads us to think that in fact there are ghosts there.

E4 ∙ File: Goverment’s UFO Conspiracy

Again, that seems like the title of The X-Files pilot. And at this moment, when even the government has declared that these flying objects do exist and have shown videos, the geniuses of this docuseries make a complete episode where they try to answer the question: does the American government know that aliens exist ? Give me a break!

There is even an episode about a supposedly mysterious lake that contains  a sea monster or a large aquatic snake. And one of the witnesses/experts (something like a crazy hippie) is about to show evidence of the existence of such a creature. And, full of pride, he shows the evidence…three paintings that he himself made of the creature he swears he saw. Yes, oil on canvas.

And similar to this guy are the rest of the experts who appear in this docuseries that I hope to forget very soon. But it’s so bad that, with my luck, I’ll remember it for the rest of my life.