Lindsay Lohan’s ‘Irish Wish’ Came True

As of the week of March 24, Irish Wish, a rom-com starring Lindsay Lohan, was the most watched film on Netflix in 93 countries, and currently is the second-most viewed movie, which proves my great theory about her: Lindsay Lohan, rather than being a simple actress, is the ultimate American fetish. If you ask me how good an actress she is, I have no idea. It doesn’t matter.

Okay, now let’s go to her film. It’s been 15 minutes since I finished watching Irish Wish, and let me tell you something: I have absolutely no idea what her character’s name is. That’s how unforgettable the experience was. The only thing I do remember is that about half an hour into the movie I thought ….. Oh dear God, there’s another hour before this is over.

Let’s start with the least important thing about this movie (Lohan’s second for Netflix, after Falling for Christmas), the plot: Lindsay Lohan plays Maddie, the editor of an author who…No, the truth is that Lindsay practically writes this idiot’s books that ends up being bestsellers. Obviously she does it because she is secretly in love with him and she thinks he feels the same way about her. But the sad (yet not surprising) truth is that the writer is in love with one of Maddie’s two best friends  and before long the three girls and the so-called author go to Ireland, where the writer’s rich family lives. The wedding takes place over there (yes, in just a few moments and without really showing what the relationship, connection between the two is like, there is already a wedding). So far the usual stuff.

Now get ready for this: in Ireland, the disappointed and heartbroken Maddie meets a fairy, who turns out to be Saint Brigid Of Ireland, who offers her to make any wish come true and (who could have imagined?) she wishes that instead of her friend, she would be the one who gets married to the incredibly idiotic writer.Saint Brigid grants her wish and the next day Maddie wakes up in the writer’s bed as his fiancée, but… sniff, sniff, she will soon realize that this moron is not the love of her life but her heart belongs to one of the most detestable, sick and abominable villains to come out of the Outlander series; the sadist pirate, murderer Stephen Bonnet (played by the great actor Edward Speleers), who in this movie is a photographer hired for the wedding. I don’t need to tell you the rest of the plot, since Irish Wish captures all the tropes of the usual romantic comedy, but to a boring and even very silly effect.

But before talking about the enormous problems of this film I am going to touch on the only point that I think is attractive to the audience and that is Lindsay Lohan herself, who I must admit looks very good, fresh, attractive, and even almost natural. Yes, Lindsay looks great, charming. Done. That’s what everyone wants to know.

Total control

It’s an understatement that Lohan had creative freedom in making this film. In fact, as executive producer, she herself selected the director, writer, casting and even the soundtrack. Among the actors, in addition to Speelers, the talented Alexander Vlahos and even Lohan’s best friend in real life, Ayesha Curry, stand out… But also, Lindsay took the opportunity to include her younger brother who appears in some scenes and selected a song from her sister for the soundtrack. If that’s not a display of power, I don’t know what to call it.

The problem is that nothing works. Why? I think romantic comedy is one of the most complex genres. It’s not easy to get comedy and romance to work together. What is easy to fall for is the old formulas, as we see in Irish Wish. At this point I keep trying to remember some at least slightly funny scenes and I don’t remember anything… because there aren’t any. If you ask me for the perfect example of a romantic comedy, I would say Adam Sandler’s The Wedding Singer. Irish Wish is your typical Hallmark-style movie.

But the key to romantic comedies is the chemistry between the characters… well, because there is supposed to be love, etc. And this is where Irish Wish fails and it is a very peculiar case. Despite having two great actors like Vlahos and Speelers, a disastrous script ridicules their performance. And between Speelers and Lohan there is no empathy, no chemistry. There is nothing that makes the audience believe that they are in love, or that they at least want to have some sex. It’s very rare to see such a good actor playing the role that any newcomer could do. And this causes an uncomfortable effect. The film is not badly directed and the Irish landscapes simply take your breath away, but boredom comes almost from the beginning, with a dull script that wastes its good cast. Irish Wish could have been very entertaining and not the sleeping pill I suffered from watching.

But anyway, yeah, Lindsay looks really pretty and people all over the world are obviously happy to see their favorite American fetish.