A Bloody Mess
Rambo Kills a Lot of Mexicans in the Virtually Unredeemable ‘Last Blood’
So. Many. Dead. Mexicans. The extreme kills in Rambo: Last Blood are old-school ’80s violent, over-the-top throwback-Thursdays homicidal, regressively Reagan-era Rambonian in their bloody excesses. And this time, the casualties are all literally bad hombres from south of the border. According to the latest and purportedly final installment of this tortured and torture-prone action series, Mexicans really are bringing drugs and crime into the U.S. And they are definitely rapists.
RAMBO: LAST BLOOD ★★ (2/5 stars)
Directed by: Adrian Grunberg
Written by: Matt Cirulnick, Sylvester Stallone
Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Paz Vega, Sergio Peris-Mencheta, Adriana Barraza, Yvette Monreal
Running time: 89 min
A gung-ho anti-wetback screed that even sports a few loving drone shots of the border wall for good measure, Rambo: Last Blood is uncut geriatric xenophobia. Then again, Vietnam War vet and former Green Beret John Rambo (Sylvester Stallone) has never really been an open-minded pacifist. And his experiences as a P.O.W. gave him a lifetime’s worth of psychic damage. So this guerilla-warfare-trained killing machine has always been much more comfortable disemboweling people with a footlong sawtooth knife or ramming a tank into an oncoming Soviet helicopter than he has been making new friends.
He’s battled National Guardsmen in the Pacific Northwest, done prison time, gone back to Vietnam to save M.I.A. soldiers, fought alongside the Mujahedeen against the Russians, and helped mercenaries go into Burma to rescue Christian missionaries. But now, bizarrely enough, he’s become a rancher on the Rambo family horse farm in Arizona. Who knew?
He’s traded in his red bandana head wrap and combat pants for a denim tuxedo and leather fringe chaps. Which makes total sense based on nothing. And he, randomly, seems to have a contended life with an old Hispanic woman named Maria (Adriana Barraza) and her comely college-bound granddaughter Gabrielle (Yvette Monreal), who calls Rambo her Uncle John. He’s also dug out an elaborate series of underground tunnels on the property, because I guess he wants a place where he can trigger his PTSD and also forge letter openers out of Damascus steel.
“I need to go to Mexico,” says Gabrielle. “Why do you want to do that?” says Rambo, palpably shuddering. Seems a friend of hers has found the address of Gabrielle’s long-lost father, who abandoned her as a child when her mother was dying of cancer. And now she wants to meet him, face to face, and ask him why he left. Rambo tells her not to. “I know how black a man’s heart can be,” he says. But the virgin teen sneaks off to Sonora anyway, where the bad guys slip her roofies and sell her to a whorehouse. Oops.
So Rambo hops into his Ford F150 to go down Mexico way and save her. Except a nasty Mexican Cartel kicks his ass and carves up his cheek with a knife. Uh-oh: they just drew first blood. And you never want to draw first blood when you’re dealing with Rambo.
Up until this point, Rambo: Last Blood is full of unknown actors delivering awful dialogue mostly in Spanish and confronting each other with family trauma. So you’re forgiven if you think this is just an uncommonly seedy telenovela. Except for Sly and a glaring Paz Vega, there’s very little onscreen charisma from anyone and a surprisingly low body count. Which means that this movie is grindingly dull and virtually unredeemable.
Except when Rambo goes into a skanky brothel with nothing but a hammer and swiftly pummels a half-dozen men right in their gourds. The bloodlust is very lusty in Rambo: Last Blood. And the climactic battle scene, briskly edited, contains lots of grandiose explosions and hilariously deadly booby traps. Rambo even pulls out his trademark archery skills. And, in the heat of the moment, he starts playing a cassette tape (!) with the Doors singing “No One Here Gets Out Alive.” It’s joltingly, wonderfully, bonkers. Think grindhouse Home Alone. Plus: Rambo rips out a man’s beating heart and shows it to him. That is a thing that happens. And I can never really hate a movie that does that.
4 thoughts on “A Bloody Mess”
Yawn, this is exactly why nobody pays attention to “critics” when it comes to selecting movies to watch. Just reading this piece has cemented my willingness to pay out to watch an action flick from a franchise that is known throughout the world…unlike this so-called critic.
He did like the scene where Rambo rips out a man’s heart. And I think his main criticism is that there’s NOT ENOUGH ACTION.
Geriatric? Yes racism is wrong and so is ageism. Two wrongs don’t make a right. The Doors song is not called “No One Here Gets Out Alive.” The song by The Doors is called “Five to One”. Get the facts straight. If you read between the lines, this is Rambo 5. So “5 to 1”, 1 to 5. Rambo is back home (having come full circle). Rambo 5 is a throwback to the Action movies like “Death Wish”, “Hard to Kill”, and “Taken” . Revenge movies are nothing new. Yeah they might be a bit predictable, but fans go for the Action!!!
Since we have a system of LEGAL immigration….a system that is MORE than generous…I would say that if even ONE of the illegal immigrants is a rapist or killer, that is one too many. We do not need these people. They become criminals the instant they cross our border. But more important, I’d also say that the true blame for any damage done by these animals lies at the feet of those who can’t funnel them in here quickly enough…The white liberals who despise their own culture and their own people are ten times more ‘deplorable’ than the worst Hispanic miscreant.