The Idea of Anne Hathaway

It’s so much worse than anyone could imagine. I realize that it’s “so 2013” to hate on Anne Hathaway and I want to move on from this hatred so bad– in spite of the fact that she carries herself like all her farts are rehearsed and smell like Verbena–but the inescapable truth is that Hathaway is an actress, not a movie star. When Julia Roberts falls in love onscreen, it’s cheesy but natural. Her smile is pure joy on the verge of heartbreak. In The Idea of You, Hathaway smiles at her younger lover from backstage as he prances in front of thousands of screaming fans, it looks like the product of hours of coaching and workshopping and method. And there’s a lot of hand stuff and gesturing and hair flicking.  This is all fine if she’s in something GOOD like Devil Wears Prada with Meryl Streep. But Hathaway doesn’t seem to understand what kind of movie she’s in.

The central conflict in this rom com is that Anne Hathaway is OLD and a mom and Nicholas Galatzine is YOUNG and is in a boyband that Anne’s daughter used to listen to. The problem I have caring about this storyline–or even just being entertained–is that Hathaway doesn’t look that old and Nicholas Galatzine doesn’t look that young and basically EVERYONE in this movie looks like they’re in their early 30s including Anne Hathaway’s daughter, and the ”young girls” that accompany this boyband on tour and the “younger woman”  Hathaway’s ex-husband left her for. This movie would be interesting if, say, Helen Mirren stole Timothée Chalamet away from Lucy Hale, or Dame Judi Dench was pulling a train with Cole and Dylan Sprouse but this is not that kind of movie.

I was also hoping for some truth to the rumor they lightly based The Idea Of You on Harry Styles of One Direction and his relationship with Olivia Wilde, that maybe there would be something interesting or funny to say about fame or the music industry or the state of gossip in the age of social media. No. This movie takes place in a decade that never existed. The “Internet” is a thing but in this ersatz conceptual way. Aughts-era paparazzi are part of the story…sort of. They follow Anne Hathaway around because she’s the cougar who is banging Nicholas Galatzine but keep a respectful distance. (As if anyone cares if a boybander is having a heterosexual relationship with a nobody).

Nicholas Galatzine is supposed to be insanely famous, but he doesn’t seem to have any trouble walking around without fans harassing him. If anyone does recognize him, they go “wow” and they wave. Hathaway and  Galatzine meet cute because Anne is able to walk (by mistake!) into Nicholas’s trailer at Coachella without any security hassle. One of their temporary breakups resolves when she enters his recording studio unannounced. Everyone has an iPhone but no one is on Instagram or Tik Tok. There are teen fans who stand around holding signs but are very well behaved and cheerful like the Pope is in town. No one does any drugs.

Anne Hathaway’s character’s name is Solène. Because she has French grandparents.  She owns an art gallery in Silverlake. The supporting characters mention the fact that she owns an art gallery a lot. It’s her thing. Other characters say “I love art” when they learn this fact, even though all of the art she displays is bad. Solene also reads books and lives in an adorably cluttered arts and crafts bungalow while her ex-husband Reid Scott who left her lives in a sleek modern McMansion.  There’s a rented house in the South of France where they holiday that looks like a Pottery Barn catalog. All the interiors and locations look cheap and quickly arranged. It’s the sort of thing that makes you appreciate the work of Nancy Meyers.

The film also hits every beat that can occur in a rom com. After a cringy sex scene in a hotel, they order chicken fingers, BLTs and fries from room service because that’s the sort of humble realness people in love do. They lip sync to old songs. They have a misunderstanding. The world can’t handle their love. Solene even has a homely best friend (Annie Mumalo) who throws parties for her and bugs her about the fact that she’s single. The only thing missing is a makeover/shopping spree. And there’s a even perfect opportunity for one: he asks her to accompany him on a European tour telling her she doesn’t need to pack a bag because he has access to many many stylists.  Never happens. To paraphrase Chekhov: if in the first act you have mentioned a stylist, then in the following one there should be a makeover or a shopping spree. Otherwise don’t put it there.

It’s not that I or anyone else thought that The Idea of You was going to be “AFI list” brilliant.  But Anne Hathaway has been doing some good work lately: Eileen, WeCrashed and Locked Down. She’s also been showing up at media events wearing Versace and seemingly enjoying herself while playing the Hollywood game. Nicholas Galatzine is a rising star. They’re even letting him play a heterosexual! They’ve done a lot of press. This movie even had a debut in theaters. I was expecting a Sandra Bullock/Reese Witherspoon/Ryan Reynolds/Channing Tatun level rom com. Not great, but lots of chemistry, great interiors and shopping sprees.  Fun.

The Idea Of You is so bad, it opens with a wide establishing shot of Silverlake–literally the lake itself, which, as John Mulaney recently pointed out, is actually a reservoir.  The camera pans slowly to the left as the credits–in a fun script-like yellow font – pop in and out while an uplifting and soulful pop song that you’ve never heard before, and will never hear again, plays. (Clearly, they couldn’t afford the rights to  You Gotta Be by Des’ree, but Light On by Maggie Rogers is ALMOST as good, right? RIGHT?)  It’s the kind of movie you watch on basic cable at 3pm on a Sunday…when it’s still 1996 and you’re hungover.

Hillary Duff should be in this movie….not Anne Hathaway.