The Cream of The Crap: ‘Slave Girls From Beyond Infinity’

There’s been no shortage of riffs on the famous short story “The Most Dangerous Game” in which a rich weirdo hunts down unfortunate souls for sport. In 1987, schlock director/writer Ken Dixon decided to throw his hat into this particular cinematic ring. His magnum opus, Slave Girls from Beyond Infinity, moves the setting from the jungles of South America to a mysterious phantom planet where a trio of 80s scream queens do their best to survive while in various states of undress. Woodenly acted, glacially paced and with sub-GWAR level creature design, the flick is a humdrum affair only enlivened by the (lack) of wardrobe that they undoubtedly stole off the shelves of a nearby Frederick’s of Hollywood. For some reason, it ended up in the catalogue of Amazon Prime

Straight out of the gate, boobs are center stage. Daria (Elizabeth Kaitan of Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 infamy) in a barely-there bikini is on the run from unseen forces. She’s captured and awakens to find herself chained and imprisoned with similarly attired Tisa (Cindy Beal). In a feat of superhuman strength, they shed their bonds, disable their captors and hightail it out there on a stolen transport ship that the director could apparently only film from one angle. Luck is not with the ladies as a tractor beam catches their ship, forcing them to crash-land on a foreboding planet.

Daria awakens on the beach and, exploring her surroundings, happens upon the fortress of space lothario Zed (Don Scriber, looking like a knock-off Dave Gahan in tight leather pants and boots). Provided with a room complete with a lace-draped four poster bed and an inexplicable party dress, Daria joins Zed in his drawing room where Tisa and similarly waylaid couple Rick and Shala (Brinke Stevens of Emmanuelle IV) have joined the gathering. Once gathered together, Zed expresses his love for hunting, shows off his taxidermied trophies and–most hauntingly –plays the space theremin.

But something is rotten in Denmark. At night, the sounds of laser blasts and screams shake Daria into consciousness. Rick, similarly feeling this disturbance in the force, makes his way into Daria’s room and together they explore the fortress, entering a forbidden locked room where they discover a grim yet completely expected surprise–the mounted heads and skulls of Zed’s human victims. They endeavor to rescue the now missing Shayla and escape their captor. Daria and Rick explore the island while Tisa distracts Zed’s android guards by skinny dipping in the ocean.

Finding no way out, Daria and Rick return to the fortress and, to avoid the prying eyes of the suspicious Zed, end up fake screwing, then actually  screwing in the most spectacularly boring fashion in said four poster bed. This discovery really grinds Zed’s gears, goading him to taunt the chained/lingerie clad Shala and play the space theremin some more.

The plot limps along with Zed hunting down Rick and Shala, then pursuing final girls Daria and Tisa. Space zombies, a mutant warrior-thing and a hidden temple all blend into the leaden plot before Zed, facing defeat, blows himself up Predator-style as our heroines blast off into space.

The best performance in the movie undoubtedly goes to the greens crew who must have moved the same plants around the set with incredible speed and efficiency. You must also give props to the director who had the cojones to give the long dead Richard Connell, author of the original 1924 “The Most Dangerous Game” short story, a most-definitely unsolicited and unwanted co-writing credit.

As an anachronistic piece of cinema history, Slave Girls has its place. It’s one of those late 80s knock-off flicks that horny teenage boys would scrutinize through a scrambled cable haze in the hopes of seeing a titty or two. Honestly though, if you’re looking for a nostalgia trip to recapture those hazy, hormonal days of youth, you’d be far better off rewatching Weird Science where you’d at least have a few laughs, hear a good soundtrack, as well as get an eyeful of Kelly LeBrock in the buff.