‘Harry Potter: Wizards Of Baking’ is Not Quidditch

You know what The Food Network loves? Not shows teaching people how to cook. Instead, they love showing people making total inedible crap. And guess what flavor of crap we’re getting now after countless Christmas, Halloween, movie monster, and Easter varieties? Harry Potter. The boy wizard is now cake.

Since the Fantastic Beasts movies left fans underwhelmed, Max and Food Network decided to try a different route: a baking show. Harry Potter: Wizards of Baking, with hosts James and Oliver Phelps (the Weasley twins), invites bakers to craft magical creations inspired by Wizarding World lore. With six episodes, the series features appearances from Harry Potter alumni like Warwick Davis and Evanna Lynch, along with judges Carla Hall (a former Top Chef contestant who the Food Network keeps in a proving drawer) and chef Jozef Youssef.

If there’s one thing Hollywood craves more than award-season applause, it’s intellectual property. Studios are like dragons hoarding gold, endlessly mining franchises for sequels, reboots, and spin-offs. But few properties print cash like Harry Potter. Here’s the twist, though: J.K. Rowling still holds the character rights, while Warner Bros. handles the films and merch. It’s a codependent empire built on everything from trademarked spells (yes, they protected  Accio!) to butterbeer that’s probably more expensive than your rent. Across 88 languages, Rowling’s lawyers locked down this wizarding world tighter than Azkaban, and her iron grip ensures no new Hogwarts hijinks without her magical decree. Wizards of Baking somehow met her approval.

Apparently, Daniel Radcliffe wasn’t vibing with the idea of people freaking the fuck out over him repping the glasses and scar one more time–even if the pay was probably equivalent to a new house, or at least a really nice month in a VRBO rental. Luna Lovegood (Lynch) on the other hand, probably took the cash happily. Had Rowling not maintained such control over her creation, these folks would all have spinoff shows and lore dedicated for miles, but most of the cast of Harry Potter ended up relegated to fan conventions and judging whether or not someone’s muffin mixture has a certain zing to it. Flick your wand over that, Heromine.

As expected, the show sticks to the Food Network formula—canned drama, corny humor, and heavy-handed editing. Contestants create edible versions of iconic Potter imagery, from a patronus to Fawkes the Phoenix, on sets straight from the Warner Bros. lot. The Hogwarts Express, the Fat Lady portrait, and even clips from the films are all thrown in to maximize the fan service. Me, I wanted someone to carve into Dobby the House Elf’s head. Do you understand how hard it is to endure someone saying, “yer a wizard, Harry!” with complete slapstick dedication? That’s what you’re getting on this ride: so, so, so many bad Harry Potter jokes.

While baking is the show’s premise, relentless Potter references and attempts at whimsy overshadow whatever comes out of the oven. The Phelps brothers do their best to keep the magic alive as judges debate over glass-like sugar sculptures and sponge cakes. For hardcore Potterheads, the nostalgia will likely hit the mark, but for casual viewers, it might feel hollow—an overproduced attempt to keep the franchise relevant. The corniness never stops. Ever. It’s one bad Harry Potter joke after another. Rinse and repeat.

Harry Potter: Wizards of Baking isn’t bad if you’re into sugary fan service with a wand. For diehard fans, it’s a charming detour into the Wizarding World. For everyone else, it’s fluff—safe, risk-free TV designed to please Potter addicts while offering nothing new. You’ll be fine if you love baking shows and the ever-present Sorting Hat quip. And I am not overselling it. This show is nothing more than a chance to bait Potter nerds into dipping back into the slowly dying world of cable television, chocolate owl or not. Otherwise, it’s just another dose of brain rot, infused with butterbeer.