I Fought ‘The Chase’ and ‘The Chase’ Won

Last May, I went to Los Angeles to tape an episode of the ABC game show The Chase. Now I can finally tell the story, since the network aired my episode last night and I’ve cleared the terms of my Non-Disclosure Agreement. I went one-on-one with James Holzhauer, the greatest TV quiz brain in history, in Round 2 of the show, taking him to the rack and banking $250,000 for my team. In the final round, only a Tom Brady-esque performance at the end by Holzhauer prevented me and my teammate, Nellie Kuh from Dallas, from splitting a huge $310,000 prize. But, in the end, we fell a couple of questions and six seconds short. I played really well. But in the end, I fought The Chase, and The Chase won.

Everyone in my small but lively world of semi-pro trivia hustlers knows what The Chase is, and the show certainly has many fans, but doesn’t exist as an immutable part of the public brain like its forerunner, Jeopardy! The Chase comes from the U.K., where it airs almost every day. The U.S. has aired a few iterations, including a popular one on the Game Show Network. The current version features four “chasers”: Holzhauer, Ken Jennings, and Brad Rutter, Jeopardy’s “Greatest of All Time” competitors, and Mark Labett, “The Beast,” who appears in the British edition and was the “Chaser” in the Game Show Network version.

The show has three rounds: In the first, a contestant has to answer some questions. This builds their bank, and then the Chaser makes that contestant an offer to either raise or lower the bank, and the contestant has to play head-to-head against the Chaser, answering some multiple choice questions. Then if they survive, they go to the “Final Chase,” a timed barrage of questions and…look, the rules are kind of complicated. And unless you’re going to be on the show, they don’t really matter that much. Just know that in the trivia world, The Chase is considered the third leg of a TV trivia triple crown. Jeopardy! is the king, of course, and the current off-air Who Wants To Be A Millionaire offers plenty of prestige. The Chase offers bragging rights for the true trivia lover, because it gives us a chance to go up against the best.

Training Montage

So how did I get on the show? Well, I was on Jeopardy! in 2013, and I’ve stayed active in the scene. I belong to several online trivia groups. Word began circulating, at the beginning of the pandemic, that The Chase was coming back and would be holding Zoom auditions. I took a quick online quiz, passed it, and found myself in a Zoom room with the usual assortment of hopefuls, many of whom I recognized from the trivia circuit. While I certainly know a lot of trivia, my real edge, when it comes to getting on TV, is boundless self-confidence, a wacky personality, and having a lot of good personal stories. Just get me into the room with a producer, and they’ll cast me.

Unfortunately, because of COVID, I got in a little too late, and the producers decided to only cast people from California for the bulk of Season One. But rumors abounded for Season Two, and I didn’t have much else to do. So I drilled down hard.

For months, I quizzed myself relentlessly. I took endless online tests, drilling down into obscure corners of European and African history, memorizing TV show cast lists, reading books of science facts, studying recipes and blogs about global cuisine, watching as many movies as possible, and playing live quizzes, with some of the best players in the world, several times a week. I went deep into the trivia dojo.

Basically, I refused to let the pandemic melt my brain. I was going to be ready, mentally and physically. I ramped up my yoga practice and began meditating a half-hour a day. My COVID legacy was going to be complete world knowledge; I was hellbound to learn about everything.

Then came vaccines, and TV hope, and another round of casting. And since I’d already been through the process, I knew what to expect. I breezed through the first few rounds, and then stood by for further instructions. They informed me that the show had chosen me, maybe. I met on a Zoom with wardrobe consultants; I did endless rounds of personal introductions to random people on random calls.

And getting on The Chase was a huge deal. Jeopardy! is the greatest trivia honor, but the show cycles through nearly 200 contestants a year. The Chase casts barely more than a tenth that number. There’s some overlap, but not total overlap. This is a network show, and a “team” game, so the producers are looking for more than just someone who can answer quiz questions and isn’t totally vile. There’s some sort of secret sauce. For one episode at least, I was a key ingredient.

The long and winding Chase

Even then, it wasn’t easy. I kept grinding on the trivia, trying to fill in gaps where they appeared. When it comes to Complete World Knowledge, where Charli D’Amelio is last year’s news, the gaps are always appearing. In this world, Logan Paul and Boyle’s Law all exist on the same plane. Answer a question, about anything, and earn money. You can never stop studying if you want to win at the highest levels. I kept playing in tough online quiz leagues, realizing that I knew nothing about the geography of Oceania.

They gave me a taping date. Then they rescinded my taping date at the last second. I gave myself what felt like an endless series of nose swabs to make sure I didn’t have the plague. Finally, I got another taping date. They sent me a plane ticket. I went to Los Angeles. I did more nose swabs. Then I quarantined in the Universal City Hilton for 48 hours, doing yoga in my underwear like Martin Sheen at the beginning of Apocalypse Now, intermittently ordering takeout meals on Postmates.

Taping day arrived and I sat in a dressing room by myself for two hours. They did my makeup and pressed the awesome cowboy shirt that I wore on set and that the “Chasers” all mocked relentlessly even though they were all dressed like they were going to their friend’s Bar Mitzvah. They put a face shield on me, marched me to the set, and then, just before the taping began, they pulled me off the set. Apparently, I was set to face Ken Jennings, but they had to yank me because I’d interviewed him once at a book festival.

Instead, the show sent me back to my dressing room for three more hours, gave me lunch, and then marched me to the set once more, where I battled as hard as I possibly could, before finally losing to the best trivia player in the world. But I’ll tell you, I took Holzhauer to the wall. I, a man in his 50s who recently came out in public as a marijuana addict in recovery, faced him down at the highest possible stakes and almost won. And I never would have succeeded to that extent if I hadn’t approached my goal with single-minded focus. I was determined not to let the pandemic, life, or fear bring me down. So to that end, I won, or at least that’s what I’m trying to tell myself.

Even people who lose on Jeopardy! describe getting on the show as the absolute highlight of their lives. Jeopardy! contestants are a large, warm extended family, and it’s a club with many thousands of members. The Chase is a smaller club that offers fewer warm fuzzies. Even though everyone involved with the production of The Chase was extremely nice and professional, the vibe isn’t one of folksy quiz-bowl charm. The Chasers are mean to you, by design. Losers are actually losers, discarded as quickly as recycling.

In the end, I overcame tremendous odds to just barely not succeed but also kind of succeed. That feels like an epitaph for my entire life and career. Man, I really could have used that $155,000. Who couldn’t? Hopefully, I’ll have another chance. In 18 months, my statute of limitations on game-show appearances will expire.

I hope Card Sharks is ready to cast a middle-aged man wearing a cowboy shirt.