How The West Is Not: ‘Ransom Canyon’, Definitely No ‘Yellowstone’

The number one show in America is a western series called–and set–in the town of “Ransom Canyon”, created by April Blair and featuring a cast led by the beautiful Minka Kelly, Josh Duhamel and a host of actors and actresses, including James Brolin. When I saw that the very same western was number two worldwide on Netflix, roaring to displace Black Mirror, I said to myself, great, nothing like some good gunfights in the Wild West, a saloon, heartless men, runaway horses… But then I read in small print that it was a contemporary western. Excellent, maybe this is as good as Yellowstone. But, in much smaller print: it’s a romantic western. No problem, as an idealistic romantic, I’m in for some Texas rancher love! (or not)

Extreme alert, I’m going to give away some major spoilers… Including one about a cow whose life is at risk!

Yet, after 10 hours glued to the first season of a series that will surely have at least five or six or seven seasons, I think it shouldn’t even have had this first one. This series focuses on three Texas families who a company, organization or institution–none of that is clear–called Austin Water & Power is forcing or at least tempting to sell their ranches. That’s the bogeyman of the show. The company wants to build a pipeline that will connect to the aquifer that supports the town and take the water to other places, but we don’t really care. Ransom Canyon full of characters that do not inspire any empath.  It lacks credible romances and holds a plot so weak that it hides like a scared a deer chased by hunters.

The series is so poorly written and structured that its narrative solidity and even the logic of its themes, plots and characters is almost non-existent. … I’ll give you an absolutely apt example: During 10 episodes, there are only two songs you’ll remember. Only two because they serve as soundtracks for key scenes. And these two songs are two immortal classics of… Texas music?: “Only Wanna Be with You” by Hootie & the Blowfish and the also very Texan “Tonight, Tonight” by The Smashing Pumpkins. That’s how out of whack the compass is in this series.

Looking for a Story

During the pilot’s initial minutes —five, seven at the most—you already know everything. Like Staten Kirkland (Josh Duhamel) is a broken guy, full of pain and tormented after the death of his wife, Amalah. His brother-in-law, Davis Collins (Eoin Macken), is obviously the bad guy. He gives Randall (Staten’s son) a car for his birthday, but Randall dies in a car accident. Here is the secondary plot that ends up devouring the main plot: Did Randall die because of someone else? Staten is absolutely certain it wasn’t just his son’s accident, although they never explain why. He believes that another vehicle was involved, and someone killed his son.

But if you think about this like any normal human being, it was very easy to figure out at the time of the accident; it’s easy for an expert to determine whether it was a collision with another car or not. But no one here is reasoning normally. So…a year after his son’s death, Stanten is walking around and finds at the scene of the accident a piece of metal (seriously) about 10 inches long that apparently belongs to another car, and whoever was driving that vehicle caused Randall’s death. This is just so wild and insane…Come on!

Then there’s Quinn O’Grady (Minka Kelly), the owner of a ballroom. She loves Staten, but he’s too broken to love her or realize she loves him, and Davis is crazy about her, which creates another conflict between these brothers-in-law.

And then there are the youngsters, Lucas Russell, played by Garrett Wareing, and Lauren Brigman, played by Lizzy Green, who is the sheriff’s daughter and whose mother is an alcoholic MILF.

And if you’re wondering, “Aha, and where’s the Western style in all this?” Well, I have no idea. Except for some beautiful scenery, some guys wearing boots, but you have to wait until the 17th minute of episode four for a cow to appear. And this cow isn’t doing well because she’s stuck in a mud puddle and can’t get out, and those trying to help her are Lucas, who is having an affair with Lauren, who is also the girlfriend of Davis’s son. While the cow is stuck in the mud, these two idiots fight over Lauren’s love. The cow is there, buried in the mud. They’re hitting each other. Then, they become friends, have a few beers in front of the cow, and by minute 38, they finally arrive with the cow at the ranch.

So far, this seems… Remember those WB shows from the late 90s, early 2000s? This feels like something from that era, like Everwood (the widowed father who can’t fall in love again) mixed with One Tree Hill (the poor guy in love with the cheerleader); hey, both the one from this show and the one from that show have the same name: Lucas, and here Lauren is also a cheerleader.

In this strange romantic western’s fourth episode, just two minutes after the cow arrives at the ranch, two adults… kiss. Finally! It took a long for a romantic series.

Romantic? Don’t know. The so-called romantic conflicts are so silly, they’re not even real conflicts. That’s why they lack credibility. And you don’t know who to root for. Honestly, no one is worth it.

A strange guy shows up to work at the Fuller’s ranch -one of the other powerful families-, where for some reason apparently there isn’t a single employee. Which is little more than curious. Only James Brolin, as Cap Fuller and about eighty years old seems to be taking care of a huge ranch by his own. His son, Lincoln, is also dead, and he doesn’t know that this stranger he’s just hired…is his grandson. The son Lincoln didn’t even know he had.

Here comes another crazy part of the story. This young man, who goes by the name Yancy Grey (played by Jack Schumacher), was in prison. In prison, Davis visited him, offering to help him get free if he infiltrates the Fuller ranch (that is, his grandfather’s) and convinces him to sell his land to this strange company in Austin. Now, Yancy accepts and starts working there. I thought he was going to tell the old man: I’m your long-lost grandson, the son of the son you loved so much, and I’m here to help you, Grandpa! But no, instead, he tries to convince him to sell the land.

More cows and some horses appear. And men’s buttocks, but no women’s. And I could go on much longer here, but we have to talk about the tornado.

While Davis and Staten try to win Quinn’s love or at least to have sex with her, in episode seven there’s a tornado warning. Everyone is panicking. Lauren is trapped in her car but Kit,  Lucas’s violent brother, who in the end turns out to be a good guy, saves her. Kit is a key player since—spoiler alert here—he was the lover of the drunken wife (Lauren’s mother), of the sheriff responsible for Randall’s death.

Yes, now you already know, but since there’s no suspense or intrigue to raise the desire to know how Randall died, it doesn’t matter. What does matter is the tornado, since Staten and Quinn have to hide in a basement shelter, barely lit by a candle… and they have a radio, and suddenly, Smashing Pumpkins’ 1995 classic “Tonight Tonight” comes on, which, coincidentally, was the song Staten and Quinn couldn’t dance together during their prom night. And it seems more like a message from the universe: Hey you’re alone, candlelight, and that song… it’s now or never.

Let’s just say they know how to seize the moment.

The season finale cliffhanger is as weird as the rest of the episodes. Quinn finally wins the love of Staten—who is about to lose control of his ranch to his father, a powerful and greedy senator—but she has an offer to go to New York and become principal pianist of the Philharmonic. Yes, yes, the New York Philharmonic. It’s a big dilemma, leaving her ballroom—which is bankrupt—and her lavender plantation. I don’t think it’s worth going into details, but what she grows in Texas is lavender, and the love of her life is the New York Philharmonic. Ransom Canyon will leave that and other entanglements for season two.