Confessions of a LIB Tard

I feel like a dipshit saying this, but here goes nothing: I’ve watched every second, including reunions, of the reality show Love is Blind. If there were a LIB circumcision, I would be there.

While LIB participants can use alcohol as an alibi for their antics, I’ve been dead sober.

If you’re not familiar with the show, LIB participants meet without seeing one another. Ultimately, some get engaged, sight unseen. As far as they know, their partner could smell like trash. The couples then go off to a tropical spot for a few days before domesticating for a few weeks. The climax of the show are the wedding ceremonies, guests and all, where couples say “I do” – or “I don’t” –  and sometimes much more. One woman told her “fiancé” – in so many words – “I wouldn’t marry you if you were the last dude on earth.”

Ultimately, most LIB couples don’t do eternity. However, there are at least two couples still together, both from LIB’s first season, which debuted right as pandemic was entering our vocabulary.

Back then, LIB participant Jessica was the train wreck of the moment, constantly reminding everyone that she was 36, as if she were about to disintegrate. Jessica, who appeared to be sauced for most of the show, was obsessed with Barnett. One small problem: Barnett and Jessica were both with other people. Someone’s heartbreak makes terrific television. Hey, I don’t churn out this sausage. I just devour it.

Ever since, I’ve been an LIB loyalist. It’s light fun and a great laundry folding partner. Anyway, out of curiosity and an LIB fix, I dove into LIB Brazil Season Three. No games here. If you’re an avowed LIBer, it’s a winner. When, not if, I need another LIB infusion, I’ll check out Brazil’s first two seasons.

LIB Brazil is a clone of its American brethren. However, it has a different, refreshing feel. First, there are no subtitles. Actors voice over the Portuguese in English. The result: The participants sound like they’re acting. And there’s one performer who sounds a lot like Borat. Throughout, I kept imagining what mischief Borat would get into on this thing. Also, the voice over is far from an exact fit, so the dialogue often comes out a jumbled mess. Ultimately, it all kind of works: This is a goofy reality show, not Academy catnip.

In general, the Brazilians seem to be more sincere and happier than their American counterparts. The Brazilian men are constantly embracing one another. Sure, they’re probably wasted, but they seem to be genuinely having a blast. Whenever they get the chance, the men form a circle, raise their glasses and howl. At one point, they do a synchronized line dance.

The Brazilians tend to be less cliquey and mean spirited than their fellow American participants. There’s none of this “he’s [she’s] not here for the right reasons” nonsense. Most of the Americans, especially lately, seem to be calculating how many Instagram followers they can collect for each hour they endure in front of the cameras.

As far as showing private time, LIB Brazil is way more liberal. When a Brazilian female refuses to consummate her engagement because of the lurking, peeping tom cameras, her reality sisterhood mildly shames her. Their argument to her: Who cares. Just throw the sheet over yourselves and go to town!

Spoiler incoming.

Later in the series, when this same woman explains that she was late for a gathering because she was getting busy, her fellow female gamers carry on like she scored a World Cup game winner.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention arguably LIB Brazil’s greatest asset: Male cast member Valmir, who has more than a little Ralph Kramden in him. When a female cast member flirts “dirty” with him during the early stages of the show, Valmir breaks out into a slow sensual dance in his private room. Quick, imagine Kramden doing Prince maneuvers.

There’s a lot to like in LIB Brazil. There’s also no shortage of filler, including, yawn, wedding gown fittings and meeting friends and family. LIB Brazil dropped its final two episodes on 6/21, followed by a live reunion on 7/2. When LIB America recently took a stab at a live reunion, it failed miserably. Like a tool, I kept refreshing my screen in vain. No complaints. In the LIBverse, it’s all par for the course.